When contemplating what gifts I have, I sometimes think that in recent years I have the gift of understanding the other person’s perspective. For example, when a driver does something unusual (some might say stupid or dangerous), I think, “Must be late for an appointment,” or, “He just didn’t see me coming,” or some such. I stop to let people out, because I know how hard it is, especially during rush hour, to get into traffic when there is no traffic light.
When I was teaching, I wasn’t as firm as I probably should have been in parent conferences, because I could understand why they were so overwhelmed with jobs or family or that child I was teaching. Also, it was hard to be firm enough with a child when I knew about home problems.
When I’m singing at church and one person sings energetically off-key, I may wince inwardly but I’m impressed that that person enjoys praising God even if it’s not a gift.
When a child spills or breaks something at my house, I immediately think of how embarrassed and scared that child must be, and I comfort instead of scolding.
BUT…having said all that, I can also be very judgmental. When a parent is cursing a child in public, I immediately want to yank that person by the hair and slap them around, no matter what the child is doing. (Picture me doing that! Your chuckle for the day.) When a child is climbing up the grocery shelves, and the mother is standing there chatting with a friend, again I judge the mother. (As though I haven’t been one!)
When people make up their minds about anything and will not consider the possibility of another option, I dismiss them as stubborn and unyielding and prefer to avoid them as much as possible.
When people who say they want to live a Christian life move in together without benefit of marriage, I disapprove. They are still my friends, but I do not understand their perspective.
The Bible is so specific about so many things–and so vague about others. I often do not understand God’s perspective, but this isn’t about that. Maybe I’ll write about that later. Only a maybe.
I think one thing that prompts my point of view of others is James 2:13: “…judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!” That’s pretty strong stuff. I really do believe that God is so incredibly merciful to me that I should surely be merciful to others.
I also believe Matthew 7:1-3: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”
So I can’t pat myself on the back too much for seeing the other person’s point of view. Actually, being unmerciful and judgmental carries such specific consequences that perhaps I’m saving myself by trying to be merciful and non-judgmental. Hard to say.
At least I’ll keep working on showing mercy and not judging. Again it’s pretty selfish, for I’m hoping folks will also cut me slack when I forget, or make foolish mistakes, or am intentionally difficult to get along with. “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy” (Matthew 5:7). I’ll count on that–and keep watching for opportunities to show mercy.
(Please check out my daughter-in-law’s clever blog of travel tips and ideas. The link is to the right–“My Traveling Shoes are High Heels.”)
Sherry Carter
So true, Lanita! I, too, move between being forgiving and judgmental. As I read your words, God tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me of the judgmental thoughts I had this afternoon. Ouch!
Lanita Boyd
And since I wrote that, I’ve thought of many other situations where I’m judgmental. 🙂 Probably just as well that I didn’t confess too much!